I’m an Activist… Online

In the summer of 2020, at the height of the Black Lives Matter protests, I left Instagram for about a month. I was becoming incredibly overwhelmed by everything going on and needed a break. When I came back, I was immediately greeted with BLM profile pictures from friends and celebrities alike. I should have felt supported, yet my first thought was, “I wonder how long it will be until they change their profile pictures back. I wonder how long this will last” (The longest I saw was maybe a month, the average was a week). That was when I knew that the sincerity of this movement was coming to a close.

June 2, 2020: The Black Square Fiasco.

I remember being thoroughly confused as my feed was flooded with black squares with the comment “#blackouttuesday” on every post. I went to my story to express my confusion, and a friend replied explaining that it was meant to be a day where other creators would step back and allow black and brown creators to step into the light. 

Beautiful intentions, awful execution.

I did not participate in this “#blackouttuesday,” something I will always be proud of, but many of my friends did, as well as celebrities that I truly looked up to. I remember thinking, “Maybe I should just do it just so I don’t look like an outlier who doesn’t care about the movement,” which doesn’t even make sense because A) I am black, so I’d essentially be blacking out for myself, B) It was a colossal failure that actually blocked helpful information from being shared and  C) I didn’t understand what it was, and I still don’t. Yet, for a moment, I was willing to compromise my integrity to appear like a good person. That's where my issue lies. Why must our activism be displayed through filtered screens? 

Luckily, there was a moment of recognition that black squares were not the right move. Most people who did post a black square have deleted them. Why? I’m sure many thought that what they were doing was something special, something that really opened room for POC to make their voices heard. I won’t speak for the entire black community, but I did not feel supported. I felt like I was being lied to. I wasn’t sure if this was coming from a place of sincerity or fear of being called a racist. 

My reasoning is that it was a trend. It was a trend for which no one seemed to be able to find a clear purpose, but a trend nonetheless. I don’t think people knew why they were doing it; they just did it. It was associated with the Black Lives Matter movement, which was a hot topic at the moment, so it made sense to jump onto that train without asking where it was going. However, it crashed. The train crashed but is currently under repair for the next round of blindly compliant individuals to get on.

Recently we’ve had a new trend where people go on their stories and say “Post a photo if Black Lives Matter (I can see who skips…).”  How that reads to me is, “Isn’t it so quirky that POC are disproportionately targeted by police and the current system allows for it to continue happening… Post a cute pic for how quirky this is.” Not as catchy but you understand my meaning. 

Social media is an amazing tool that is being utilized in all the wrong ways.

Some of the social networks on which we perpetuate performative activism.

The transition of activism from the streets to our screens was an interesting thing to watch. It felt like a different movement online. At moments I felt incredibly empowered by how much was being said and being done, or at least it appeared as if something were happening. It felt like we were right in the thick of it all taking down an entire system with just our keyboards. 

Rodney King was my Dad’s George Floyd. That was my awakening to the reality of this nation. I knew that there were small pockets of the population who resented my existence, but I’d never seen it displayed so vulgarly. I think that was a common sentiment for many. Older generations were saying that it was up to us to fix the mistakes they made, which is a huge burden to place on teenagers but we took up the challenge. We marched, we spoke out, we made it known that this was not okay. Then something changed. We grew tired, the momentum died down, the movement was coming to a close. I didn’t have the privilege of putting down the pitchfork, but my arms were growing tired, and I needed a new way of contributing without putting my all into it. So I took refuge in social media. 

It was a place where I could get my opinion out there and feel like I was doing something.  Do not get me wrong, in my own way I was, but a small part of me always thought that it wasn't enough.

Never let it be said that I don’t think activism can be conducted online. Social media is an amazing place for people to share information, opinions, and resources. I have seen so many healthy dialogues started online and I would never advocate for ending that. What I am saying is that there is a difference between being an active participant in change and placing one foot in the door to look like you’re doing something. I don’t think it's due to a lack of caring but possibly from being overwhelmed by the immensity of the issues we are trying to tackle. 

Almost once a week I see a new GoFundMe page for someone in need but I wonder how many actually donate. You’ll repost it, but did you donate? Did you read the story that goes with the distressing photo?  I can scroll, rewind and fast forward through someone’s struggle without batting an eye. Social media doesn’t require you to feel anything, it just forces you to acknowledge that something is happening. That’s where the disconnect begins. When you try to join a movement that you don’t have the motivation to commit to fully you inevitably half-ass your efforts and contribute little to nothing. People want to be a part of change without actually changing anything. Changing the amount of effort they put in, restructuring their views, starting difficult conversations. It’s much easier to simply press “like.”

There is also the fact that you have to consider the demographic of your social group: teenagers. Not all teenagers have the financial means to be donating money to fundraising campaigns, so why is that where we are starting? Activism does not mean funding an entire education system to fight segregation,  but instead starting a tutoring business that travels throughout school districts to give other students a leg-up. Social media, despite its plethora of resources, fails to educate young activists on what the many ways activism can look like. It has instead programmed us to believe that mindlessly reposting statistics is activism.

It’s so interesting watching the transition from a movement filled with purpose to something that we capitalize on.  

Not knowing where to start is an issue many of us face when dipping our toes into the activist pool but finding good role models is a great start. Businesses and celebrities aren’t always the best places to look for guidance - we all saw the “I take accountability” video. Just because someone has a large platform does not mean they’ll utilize it responsibly. However, there are many people who have taken advantage of their base and used it for good. I have learned so much from passionate leaders in POC and LGBTQIA+ movements. Finding reliable resources online and in real life is necessary when you are just starting out; otherwise, you can be horribly misguided.

I see it, I like it, I repost it.

What social media activism can be like.

There is nothing wrong with reposting others’ words. Sometimes people can say something that you’ve never thought of and you want that same sentiment to be spread to those who follow you. The issue begins when you turn activism into a trend to make yourself look good. What would happen if I asked you what you were doing to incite change?

• “I’m starting conversations.” - With who? / What are you talking about?/ How constructive are these conversations? / Are you having these conversations with people who already agree with you?

• “Sharing my opinions online.” - Is it for self-image purposes?/Are you adding anything that hasn’t already been said? /Are these original thoughts or are you expressing your views through someone else without fact-checking?

• “I’m sharing helpful information.” - Do you read everything you share? /Do you fact-check the information?/ Is the information generic?

Not adding to the conversation but just acknowledging that it's happening.

There was also the insane amount of trauma porn that was being spread around the internet. I don’t know about you, but I highly doubt it’s normal for a fifth grader to watch a man get shot on his iPad three times over. Another great example of beautiful intentions executed incredibly poorly. I know there have been debates regarding how to present police brutality to the public eye, but—I’m just gonna say it—I don’t think everyone should be able to. My reasoning is this:

• The stark contrast of watching a cat being scared of his farts, to a young boy being tackled by three police, followed by hot-dog recipes for July 4th can be slightly debilitating to one’s mental health.

• I found myself becoming desensitized to the brutality and that is the worst side-effect that could possibly come of this.

I don’t think it’s sunk in for many how insane it is that we are able to watch someone being murdered on our screens and still have the ability to function throughout the day. That isn’t normal. It shouldn’t be normal. Yet it became our normal almost every day.

It’s that strange feeling of “I’ve seen this before. Different faces, same situation.” You start forgetting the names that match the bullet. It seemed every week someone was killed, and that shock I felt the first time I watched the Ahmaud Arbery video was gone when it was Jacob Blake on my screen instead. I refused to watch the George Floyd video for weeks, but it felt like I had as I was bombarded with images and video reshares alike. Eventually when I watched the video I felt, simply put, numb. It gave me a sense of defeat that made me think that this was just the reality of my situation and there is nothing I could do about it. 

I realize that sharing videos of brutality is meant to shed light on tragic situations and to make sure that it isn’t swept under the giant rug this nation has woven itself.  However, that trauma bleeds into individuals and can take away their ability to empathize. For a moment I was apathetic and incredibly lethargic. I haven’t watched a single video since Jacob Blake, and it's certainly not because of a lack of videos. I just ask that when deciding to reshare something of that nature, reflect, and make sure you are doing it because you truly believe people need to see it and not for shock value’s sake.

When you point your finger at someone, there are three fingers pointing back at you.

Okay, so let me get off my unearned high horse for a moment and self-reflect. I got trapped in a cycle of regurgitating information I found, either from my feed or others’ stories, and just moving on. I would be lying if I said that I would read the entire thread. Eventually someone would say something about it not being factually sound and I would delete it. I wasn’t even sure that they were right but I took it down just to avoid the possibility of spreading misinformation. 

The more passionate I would get about something, the more I would move from infographics to sharing my own thoughts. During that small period I felt like I was at least speaking my mind and that was the least I could do. Then I began to get fearful that I wasn’t reposting enough. Shocking, I know. I was seeing my friends with 15 or more posts a day on their stories with all of these infographics titled “Read This Now!”.  So I stopped talking and I started reposting. My silence was greeted with a flood of, possibly unchecked, statistics and definitions of new phrases that I’d never heard of. I was swarmed but I knew that as long as I reposted I would be fine.

I became lazy. I was unmotivated. I was half-assing my involvement. I would delete Instagram for weeks to months on end only to reinstall it and get drawn right back into that reposting cycle. I was growing pessimistic about the prospects of our well-intended actions. You wouldn’t feel pessimistic if you were doing your part. I am doing something, but am I doing enough? You aren’t doing enough. So I should do more? You should do more. I’ll do more. Do more. But what does more mean?

The “doing more.”

I remember talking with my Mom about how helpless I felt during that time. I was scared that I might be transforming into the worst wannabe-activist man has ever seen.  It’s always that constant questioning of how to quantify your efforts and whether they're actually leaving an impact. Maybe it would be better to sit back and watch other people handle everything. I didn’t want to continue spewing information on my phone that I wasn’t processing myself. Sharing information was helpful, but I needed to do something. That was when I moved from behind a screen to the streets - metaphorically speaking of course.

Palette: An amazing friend of mine asked me to join this organization, and I was nervous but immediately jumped at the opportunity to help her do something great. I could tell she was passionate about it, and I knew she was driven enough to execute it. More than a year has passed, and it has grown beyond what I had imagined. It gave me something to do when it felt like there was simply nothing to be done. 

MySchool Votes: Someone reached out to me asking if I wanted to participate in MySchool Votes, and I did. This was probably the first time where I felt like I was an active participant in making something happen. I needed a win. I needed to see some part of my efforts manifested in some form. And on November 7, 2020, I couldn't help but feel a sense of pride knowing that I played a small part in those results.

YASV: A friend reached out to me asking if I would join Youths Against Sexual Violence, and I was thrilled at the idea of not just being a part of it but also the fact that I knew I would be learning along the way. She provided me with the opportunity to recognize my own abilities and use them to better the lives of others, and I will always appreciate her for that.

I have been pushed by so many admirable people to take just one step further. I needed that push; otherwise, I would have been trapped in this cycle of senselessly reposting and calling it “activism.” They are the ones who inspire me with their ability to persevere through adversity and remain driven and compelling leaders. They continue to do the hard work that many of us, including myself, still are not willing to do. We may not have the time or simply the motivation to take that extra step. 

There is a clear distinction between who is getting their hands dirty and who’s still dipping their toe in the water to see if it’s warm yet. I’ve just jumped into the pool and I’m still treading water but I’m trying to catch up. I encourage others to take that leap with me.

Black Lives Matter!

June 6, 2020 BLM protest outside the White House, Washington DC.

This is going to go against everything I’ve said in this essay, but you know what it’s fine. I say repost. I say spread fifty posts a day. You’re getting the information out there, and out of the seventy people who actually view your story, maybe one of them will at least click on the post. That’s the most you can hope for. 

I say this with all of my heart: please take the time to make sure the rhythm to which your heart beats is the same one by which you march. There is no use in calling yourself an activist if you aren’t willing to put your all into it. That’s why I call myself an “activist in training.” I would never stand here and tell you that I am the model one should abide by; I would say the exact opposite actually. There are so many young activists out there who are doing brilliant things both online and in the streets. Activism can be conducted in any capacity, but don’t fool yourself into thinking that the work stops when you shut off your phone. If that applies to you, then either step up or step away, but don’t call yourself an activist. Just come sit down next to me and be an “activist in training.”